Notes from the AE's desk

(by proflikesubstance) Feb 21 2012

I've been an Associate Editor for an important journal in my field for roughly two full months now. Whereas I'm not sure it was my best idea ever to agree to this, it has certainly been instructive. I will undoubtedly be faced with dozens of novel issues as I receive more manuscripts to review, but below are a few things I have learned so far.

- The topic and quality matter less than the authors. I have handled a bunch of papers now that are seemingly similar in content and quality. The major difference between them has been the author list: Some have prominent* names on them and some do not. But finding reviewers for the latter category is like pulling teeth, while locating them for the former is not. I assume that people are more willing to spend their time reviewing for those they see as producing good work. If the author list is unremarkable, people figure their time is better spent elsewhere.

- Don't believe the project number of papers you will handle. I've been doing this for two months and have already handled what the editor told me would be my likely annual allotment. Just come a little closer, this won't hurt a bit....

- Ignoring a review request is a shitty thing to do. Everyone is busy. We get that. And sometimes you just happen to have more on your plate than normal and can't take a review. This is why you have a "no thanks" option. Use it. Don't leave the AE sitting around waiting for a response. Inevitably, the second I give up on someone and invite a couple more, everyone suddenly agrees to review. If I wait, the original person never gets back to me. Just make a choice.

- If you work in a specialized subfield and won't review papers in that subfield, who will? Twice I have gotten papers on a topic that severely limited my potential reviewer list. I contacted the extent of the qualified people that I was aware of and all of them declined. Oooookaaaaay, now what? Who's going to review your papers when you send them in?

- Getting rejected without review is better than dragging the process out. I know it sucks to get the letter rejecting the paper you sent into a journal you like. And without review! How dare that AE! Well, the thing is that your time just got saved. Rather than going through the whole review process, only to have the manuscript spit out the other end, you can now reformat and send somewhere else. Not ideal, but the better of two bad options.

- If you sit on reviews, you lose the right to complain about time in review. Self explanatory, really.

I'm sure there are other things I'm not thinking of right this second, but the main point is that reviewing is about the community. Like it or not, we are the vehicle that drives the speed of publication.

*In the field of interest for the journal, that is.

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Breaking News!

(by proflikesubstance) Feb 17 2012

In an apparent move of "one-upsmanship" West Virginia is moving to give sperm half the rights of "any God-fearing man". The new legislation, proposed by District 3 State Senator Nohe seems to be in direct retaliation for the recently introduced Virgina legislation (HB1) that would grant civil protection, or "personhood", to fetuses. This bill has been accompanied by a slew of other Virginia legislation aimed at stripping away abortion rights and personal choice. West Virginia is widely considered "the more backward Virginia" and was clearly offended by Virginia's attempt to take that title from them.

"They simply aren't going far enough." claimed State Senator Nohe. "Sperm is just as much alive as you or I, but just half of what you need for a human. That's why we are only granting half civil rights to sperm."

When questioned why the new bill only provided civil protections to sperm, and not eggs, Mr. Nohe replied "Have you ever seen a human egg? I mean actually seen one? They show you pictures, but people have pictures of Big Foot and Leprechauns. If we give rights to these "eggs" people claim exist, we might as well give rights to Leprechauns and I'll be damned if West Virginia becomes a laughing stock on my watch!"

When asked whether the "Sperm rights Bill", as it is being dubbed, could be in violation of the consitution, West Virgina University Professor of Law, Marilyn Kapman opined "Constitution? These idiots realize that they are going to make male masturbation a felony, right? No? Really? I'm the first one to bring this up? Okay, now I kinda hope the bill passes."

And so the Bill will see its first test in the House, where opposition has yet to really mount, due to the initial perception that the Bill was an elaborate practical joke. Debate on the issue will begin next week.

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It's nice to share

(by proflikesubstance) Feb 14 2012

I've been enjoying the video below, partly because it's cool and partly because it's slightly absurd, in an enjoyable sense. It's the answer to the question "what if a whole band could only afford one instrument.

The song is by Gotye and the original song and video are below. Also good, but I like the edge and creativity of the cover a bit more.

Perhaps not appropriate tunes for the day, but meh. Enjoy.

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insignificant parental advice

(by proflikesubstance) Feb 13 2012

Parental advice, it's everywhere. You can seek it out and read until your eyes cross or you can try and avoid it, only to have anyone and everyone who has ever seen a child offer up their opinion. Even the most reasonable people you know will tell you how to raise and care for your child or children. But if there is one thing that is extremely pronounced when you have more than one kid, it's that every child is different.

I've fallen onto this trap myself: something worked for you with your baby or toddler, so you're happy to share "what worked" with anyone dealing with a similar situation. Need to get your kid to sleep faster, I'll tell you what we do because ours goes right down and has for years! Instant authoritay! But unless you're a family of irresponsible douchebags making overpopulation a personal mission, there's a catch to your experience.

Your sample size sucks.

n=1? n=2? This gives you confidence that you can generalize your experience to another family? To even another child? So far my two daughters couldn't be more different, and I've only known one for 6 months. Things that worked great for the Wee One have failed miserably for the Weer One. We've come up with new strategies and adjusted to a new little being with opinions and needs.

But one thing os for sure, there is no one size fits all for kids and anyone who thinks they have the solution for whatever your child needs is most likely full of shit, full of themselves, or both.

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Travel budgets

(by proflikesubstance) Feb 09 2012

In other grant thoughts for the morning, what are other NSFers putting in their travel budgets for conference travel. When I first started writing grants, someone told me it was normal to add $1K for a domestic conference and $2K for a foreign one. More recently I've realized that I can't walk out the door for less than about $1.5K and if I'm going overseas, we're talking at least $3k, but that's pushing it. Airfare is up and housing is often pricey. Add registration costs, etc., and the costs mount.

So I decided to adjust my budget accordingly in some recent grants. I colleague of mine actually noticed the increase when I asked the to take a quick look over the proposal and remarked that reviewers might think that was too much.

In various ways I have seen this type of thing manifest itself - "the cost of X must be $Y or else reviewers will baulk". But what if the cost of X is much greater than $Y? My opinion is that a couple of grand here or there in a grant budget is small change that no one should care about (hell, you could rebudget later if needed anyway), but this I've seen this type of reaction enough to be concerned about it in the review process.

So ask the NSFers among you, what are budgeting for travel? Has a reviewer ever remarked on that portion of your budget?

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NSF grant musing

(by proflikesubstance) Feb 09 2012

A couple of months ago I signed up for a NSF Bio preproposal panel. I did so without really knowing what I was in for; I mean, this is the first time it is happening, so it's up in the air. This week, however, I got the conflict of interest (COI) spreadsheet. This document is sent out to panelist to identify any proposals they should not be assigned or will have to step out of the room for during the discussion.

Based on a comparison to the last time I received a COI document from this same panel, I am estimating that the number of preproposals is in the neighborhood of 3X the number of full proposals this panel has recently received. The exact number isn't possible for me to guess because I'm not able to tell what the average number of PIs is on a co-PI proposal from the data I have, but given the new constraints my guess it it won't be far from 2.

So, if you're keeping track at home, the preproposals are 1/3 the length of the full proposals but 3X are submitted, making that a wash. I'm not clear whether there will be ad hocs for the preproposals, but my assumption is not. In August there will be a substantial reduction to what I expect will be ~20% of the preproposals coming back as full proposals. These will almost certainly go through ad hoc review, but their number will be a little less than half (I'm guessing based on convos with POs) the normal load. SO the ad hoc load will be drastically reduced on an annual basis (again, assuming no ad hocs for the preproposals) but the panelist load will be only slightly reduced along the same time period, with a big advantage going to the fall panel.

More to come as I get more info.

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Easier forgiven than permised

(by proflikesubstance) Feb 08 2012

There's a simple rule when it comes to PI dealings with paperwork: The easiest path will always be taken. If there are corners to cut or someone I can call instead of filling out yet another form, that's what's gonna happen. It's predictable and dependable, but incomprehensible to Administrators.

Today I had the following exchange:

Administrator: "Dear PLS, when reconciling your Pcard I found Tiny Issue and need an explanation by email."

PLS: "Here are two lines on Tiny Issue that took me 30sec to write. Does this satisfy you?"

Administrator: "Yes, thank you. If you plan on having a Tiny Issue in the future could you please fill out the pre-approval form at least two week ahead of time. You can find said form on our arcane and difficult to navigate website labeled as Something You Wouldn't Expect."

Riiiight, I will get all over that. Let me guess, it has to be hardcopy and delivered by a singing telegram, right?

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February RBOC

(by proflikesubstance) Feb 07 2012

-This semester is eating me alive. Only two more weeks where I am teaching two full class at once*, and then I regain a little sanity. Perhaps. The other day I was wondering why this semester has been so rough and then I realized that it might be the fact that the baby wakes me up three times a night. Maybe.

-Despite this, I'm quite enjoying the interactions with my two classes. I've finally settle on a series of slides and concepts that seems to keep their attention enough for me to deadpan some jokes and actually get a reaction.

-Note to self: make your quizzes and tests easier to grade.

-I have been invited to be on a preproposal panel for NSF, so I'll be discussing that process here in a couple of months. I'm actually looking forward to it a little.

-My NIH study section meets in a couple of weeks. I'll be curious what they think of this new proposal I've submitted. You never know when working on the fringe of NIHville.

-Being on a college-wide committee is an eye-opening experience... as in the capacity some people have for "due process" bullshittery is eye-opening.

-March is the month I will clear out some papers that have been "almost done" for way too long.

-When people put their name in ALL CAPS in the "from" field of an email, I pretty much assume it is spam. Sorry about that, journal editor.

-I have an irrational fear of intense unibrows.

-I might start demanding that if students don't have an answer for a question on a quiz, that they draw something unrelated instead. A few students did that last week and the results were hilarious.

*I don't know how people who have to teach 3 or 4 classes at the same time even survive.

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Just because

(by proflikesubstance) Feb 02 2012

It's better than ranting about the gaps in undergraduate knowledge, which is currently filling my brain.

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Repost: I do not like green eggs and hamsters

(by proflikesubstance) Jan 31 2012

Since I'm in my Prof CrankyPants mode this week, I'll bust this out from almost exactly a year ago. Oddly, nothing has changed.

Dear Undergrad I am,
why must you send me much spam?
You fill my inbox with emails
more persistent than a swarm of snails.

Yes, you missed class I see
but concerned about this I can hardly be.
A vast array of details does not help your case.
In fact, you thinking that I even care is off base.

It is a shame that you were out in a boat
which after hitting a rock did not float,
but it is more than suffice to say
that you missed class and we'll be on our way.

I am sorry that your hamster died
and that you missed class because you cried
but a paragraph on how he was so fluffy
makes me want to stab myself like Buffy

I really don't want to hear about your friend Rob
whose member did start to throb.
He had to be taken to the doctor,
a trip you felt the need to proctor.

Don't eat the green eggs in the dining hall
a lesson that should be obvious to all
but you did not take the cue
and spent all class time in the lou.

Spare me the details of how much you were sick
and that you threw up all over your friend Rick.
I do not need to hear from your Mom
nor your roommate who witnessed it all, Tom.

You might notice in our classroom that smells like feet
that there are many, many a seat.
Is it that big of a surprise
that I did not miss your staring eyes?

It's time you grew up and get bright,
the slides are on the class website.
The readings are on the handout
your absence did not stand out.

Know the material for the test
and I hope you will do your best.
But please stop sending me excuses that are incomplete
because all I do is hit delete.

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