The zombie topic shambles on, looking for unsuspecting n00bs to maul, spreading the D-List n00b virus knowledge to the masses.

What is the departmental culture?
The answer to this question is almost as important as anything on this list. The culture of a department drives the personality of profs hired to work there, whether having a life outside the office (and admitting to it) is acceptable, if you get paid on time, and getting access to resources without department politics coming into play. There are exceptional laboratories that are little islands of sanity in the face of departmental cray-cray, but do you really want to be in a department where the only people you talk to at happy hour are your lab mates?

Figure 1: Hordak kept trying to force She-Ra into being a model employee even though she clearly failed at the Horde's tenants of tyranny and brutality

By the power of Linebreakskull!

Will you get to write your own papers?
Learning to write a compelling document detailing the science you’ve done, and how it fits into the bigger picture, is a critical skill to learn whether you plan on staying in academia or not. But many people despise writing up their work and will avoid it with the fire of a thousand suns (the hardest part of graduating is writing your thesis!)…which may make having a PI who will whip your work into a Nature paper for you sound really tempting. However, ultimately you are a BIG loser if you never learn how to write a compelling story about your work.

Listen to what your potential adviser has to say
There is the age old cliché about dating that states ‘when someone shows you who they are, believe them’. As I have said previously, some people are so tied up in impressing a professor that they let what hir says in return fly in one ear and straight out the other. If a PI states that they’re a micro-managing dick, but that it’s an excellent chance to ‘prove yourself’ or some other bullshittery, get thine ass the fuck out. If a PI bemoans all their students are idiots, so they really really need someone bright like you, stuff your ego back in your fanny pack and gtfo. This is even more important when the PI is new, and you have no grad students to try and scry the truth from.

Do you like the students that are already there?
This is a point that, surprisingly, is often not considered by people choosing a lab. It’s true that in many cases you will eventually end up solo on your own project and may not have to interact closely with other people in your lab. But the people who staff the lab, especially senior members, really drive the personality and culture of the group, sometimes even more so than the PI. Do you really want to be the only apolitical person in a lab of Beltway junkies? Do you want to be the only introvert teetotaler in a lab of noon happy hour extroverts? I’m not saying the answer to these questions is always a resounding NO, but they are important things to consider for your future sanity.

It's the post series that never ends, muffins and minions! Your favorite D-List Monktress is back, dropping more n00b wisdom (and click-bait) on choosing your very own epicsauce laboratory.

Ask about work hours
You should never feel shy about inquiring about a PI’s philosophy regarding work hours.  I find a  lot of n00b PhDs feel nervous about appearing lazy by asking this question…but there’s a difference between asking ‘how many hours do I have spend in lab?’ versus ‘what is your lab’s work schedule philosophy?’.  Also corner some current grad students to get the real story about how many hours they work. However, be aware there are those grad students who count every minute they’re watching the Cricket world cup or they're on coffee break as ‘work hours’.

Do people graduate on time?
You want your time in the coop to be the best possible, but you also want to make sure you can also escape the coop. When you hit the home stretch, even the bestest, most amazing lab in the world will seem somewhat excruciating. Don’t join a lab where being awesome means your PI loves you so much they never let you go.

Figure 1: Not everyone can call up their trusty flying stead to escape imprisonment
Continue Reading »

The shenanigans continue! I realized that I failed to provide a FU Friday last week, as is mandated by D-List Monktress law. I apologize profusely, I will punish myself by eating no ice cream...today. Don't say I never loved you! 

But we must soldier on with my remarkably unpopular Choosing Your Epicsauce Laboratory series. Wipe your tears and tidy your bib, it's good for you, like your mother's poorly cooked vegetables. Ed: I posted an older version that had nonsensical incomplete sentences (ok, fine, more than usual!). I fix'd them and I sowwies.

Will you have access to the equipment/assays/techniques you need to succeed?

MacGyvering things can be fun. But you can rarely write a thesis based on the super awesome doohickey you cobbled together with duck tape and pencil lead, that works GREAT if tilted at 45 degrees in high humidity.

Figure 1: Do you think She-Ra could have kicked as much butt with a duct tape sword instead of her Sword of Protection? Ok, she was She-Ra, so probably, but you are not.

Continue Reading »